HmMm~*

having decided long ago that hope was the only insubstantial shadow that solid, real disappointment cast upon me, its been long time since i've given up on them.. when will i really ever meet the person who'd acknowledges my presence? "Miss Right" i guess... @_@

in between the pond are 2 shelters... and under one of them, is always me lying around either reading a book or sleeping, waiting time to pass before the next lesson starts, as usual~* and under the other, usually... empty...

but yet today, surprisingly, there's another person, a girl in fact, sitting under the shelter opposite mine... dark blackish hair which reflects a shiny brown under this wednesday's sunlight... sitting cross legged on a bench with a book layed on her laps, obviously, reading~* yet to say so, my eyes kept wandering off to her direction every few mins~* in spite of the fact that i do have a storybook in hand too...

don't mind me... i've watched too many animes, too many love movies as such, i couldn't help myself... wandering off to the inner and deeper desires in my dreams~* i slowly drifted off to sleep..

and there, i dreamt of that particular situation... jus like the reality... she's there, reading... i'm here... reading too.. no, not reading... specifically, its looking... hereby looking at my book with my mind drifting off about her physical features... the despracy to walk foward and say "hi" to her, to make friends, to start off a new relationship... just me and her... how nice would it be? and just when i was about to wander even further, a soft girlish voice returned me to my composure, and did i then realize i've been standing infront of her all this time... how did i get there? i have no idea...

"errr... is there anything i can help u out with?" the girl asked...

i didn't even know why i was there in the first place... flustered, i urged a reply... however, almost instantly, my throat went completely dry, like as if i've teleported instantly into the middle of a desert...

with the utmost effort, i managed a sensible reply...

"are u alone?"

With apparent confidence, but diffidence seemed not to be in her nature, she reluctantly spoke, as if already knowing wad i was thinking...

"unfortunately, no... if u've seen my boyfriend lying beside me..."

just as she spoke, it came to my realization that there's a guy in his early twenties lying on her laps... that i haven't notice all the while... trying my best not to react too vehemently to her words, chills still caught up my spine.. shocked, but at the same time, trying to maintain my cool... yet again, fighting all the embarrassment i've had... the mixture of feeling jealous and envious, and fighting to keep my calm, knowing full heartedly that hope is all lost, i attempted a retreat...

all of sudden, i felt a wave of energy through my face.. a quick sensation as if fainting spells and unconsciously fighting to prevent the fainting sensation to occur... i woke up... a friend of mine had wave directly over my face... pushing me to get up for the next coming lecture.. jus another couple of minutes away... (my lecture hall's jus in sight, about a min walk and i'll be there kinda thing)

i realized i've been dreaming... while preparing to go, i cast another last look towards the direction of the shelter opposite... the girl, is gone...

was she really there? or was it my total imagination... maybe, she never was there afterall...

and so coincidently, the following lecture was about psychology... explaining that dreams, are what one have really been wanting unconsciously... the inner desires that everyone has... dreams never lie... i remembered clearly what that lecturer said...

MANNN~*!!! alright, its true that these happened anyway... but cut the formalities from here on~*!! xD i cant take it anymore either... how cud i miss out all the abbreviations i've been so desperately trying to type in?! that seemed more like an essay instead of a journal diary now... hahas..~* but jeez... how else wud u want me to describe a dream i really have... thats the best i can do though... i really had dreamt of her... long black hair, fair skin... bright eyes... the brightest i've ever seen in fact... but yet, her presence now seemed so vivid appearing in my memory now... i cant even attempt to see her in my mind now... its so... as i've said, vivid... like as if my memory's short-termed... ahh.. who cares anyway... i know myself i'm desperate to get attached... errr.. maybe company... sigh~*~*~* oh whatever... hmmm...

hafta keep reminding myself... i'm still young.. there's still time... hmMm~* sick of been alone... @_@ wonder if ever there's a time where the opposite wud happen... a girl wud approach, and say hiie~* excluding the fact that there'll be another girl lying on my laps of course... =.=!! wakakakaka... i'll be hoping for one though... xD hahas... either way, i doubt so that i'd have the courage to walk over to some unknown stranger and bid a hiie to her... crap~* thats jus sooo not me... @_@

HmMm~*~*