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"HelloOo nigel.. it's past midnight.. are u asleep? I read your blog this afternoon.. Have been thinking about it.. Dunno if what i say here is going to mean anything or make any difference to u.. since i'm neither ur 'miss right' nor the girl in ur dreams.. but i'd like u to know, someone out there is thinking of u.. and that's me! and its not just one random afternoon or night that i happen to think of u... actually ever since i have ur number i've been wanting to msg u lah, just that i dunno what i can say.. But u have indeed been on my mind.. Hehh.. So if u were to feel that nobody acknowledges ur presense (maybe it used to be the case but definitely not anymore) den u're not acknowledging my presence! Ok having said all these maybe u might find it.. uh.. mushy or what.. but Nigel i do mean what i say.. And who knows there may be others who are like me.. Just that u dunno.. Hehh.. You WILL find miss right one day!!! :D"

This... was sent over to my handphone at around 1:30am~* resulting in a horrendous continuous alarm beeping loudly over the silent Friday Night... errr... maybe not friday, since its over 12am~* its saturday...

but OH MY GOD!!! jesus!!!! am i dreaming?!?!?! with each word i've read silently in the back of my mind, i could feel the loud "Thumping" of my heart~* beats of my heart randomly spreading to even the fingertips... out of that 6 messages... i read the first one thrice to make sure i'm not in a daze reading wad comes again of my inner desires before continuing to the 2nd one... word by word i read... and the more i continue, the more i feel that i'm still in deep sleep...

gosh~* it's been taught that the Hypothalamus in our brain is responsible of controlling our emotions... but deep down inside, i seriously don't know what i'm feeling... right then, i was more than joyed and glad to receive such messages... for god sake i cud bet my life in the line that no one in the right mind wud miss me... with the nature of an abhorrent character, who wud? but at the same time, naturally... it occured to me that she might be sending to the wrong person... who knows, there might be another Nigel out there in her handphone list...

i decided to take a trial, sending her a reply... trying my best to ignore the anxiety and excitement, keeping my cool to the fullest extend, i made the message seemed that i'm more concern about her health *its 1:30am mind u* rather than if she's sent to the message to the wrong person... and there i waited... beginning to feel depressed as mins passed with no more fire alarms ringing from my handphone...

AND THERE!!! the familiar beeping echoing through my living room... and there i realize she's either a slow typer when comes to messaging, or its my phone about 6 years old with its damned reception...

she did not send to the wrong person... indeed, the message is for me...

that whole particular 6 messages... i read... over and over again.... it occured to me that no matter how many times i've read it, as long as i've re-read it, it seemed so new to be, as if i've never yet read those messages b4... and with each time i've read again, those feelings of excitement filled me again... increasing my heart rate and forcing me to skip a couple of breaths... these all... seemed just SO magical~*!!

all of a sudden... i've got a desperate attempt to get even closer to her...
all of a sudden... i so much wanted her to study in the same school with me...
all of a sudden... i so much wished she cud be living beside me, my neighbour...
all of a sudden... as with each minutes passed, i again wanted desperately to make contact with her... be it physically, or mentally...

i'm insane... totally insane...

alright... let's side track for now... honestly, while typing all these out, i still feel... feel....... i don't know wad i feel... its a positive feeling... but for all i care now... these feelings seemed to droop outta my mind in instantly with the shoutings of my parents...

and yet again, another quarrel they're having... with mum whining and crying, and with dad shouting all through the way like no body's business... again, i was conscious of a feeling of animosity between the two of them... sigh~* and yet again, damn... my tears are blurring my vision... tears with the mixture of fear and sadness... i've got no idea what i should do now... siblings all in awkward silence, staring to the door which has jus been slammed shut... probably... its the best time for me to end here for now... i doubt so that i'll have the heart to continue these blogging... zZzZz... YIKES!! *jumped* another shout from dad...

mannnn... i seriously am hating these... to the damn core..... it pains me to hear mum's crying more than dad's shouting now... even though i know fully at heart that it's mum again who infuriated dad... if only i've got the power to fix these things... if only... T-T sigh~*

so much for having a great start of a day from a friend of mine...