Silly... Me~*

i remembered... that every valentine's day... i'll definitely end up in the street of the busiest city in singapore... consciously or unconsciously, i've never failed to end up in that street... counting and counting... envying, out of jealousy or not, the number of couples that passed me... and that's the day when i'll feel exceptionally lonely... that feeling... as if 4 walls cornering and moving ever closer to me...

that loneliness... i felt it again... even though valentine day's no where near... i felt... that loneliness again... although i'm no where near any streets... in fact... laying around at home... that feeling of loneliness... as if already stalking on me... had intruded me... almost instantaneously, when i caught hold of the information... that... she'll not be with me... to count down the end of 2007 and the new beginning of the whole new 2008~* i felt... the squeezy pressy feeling... clutching around my heart... getting tighter and tighter every second...

i cudn't cope... i... so much wanted to spend that specific amount of time with her... i... so much... wanted her to spend that specific amount of time... with me... but... she just can't... she just... can't...

on the part of self consolations... its jus no more than a normal day passed... life still goes on as usual... with the society's lame mindset of the whole new creation of "yet another year to come" when its jus... another day... why brood over it? why feel... this loneliness? i've... got no idea...

MSN nicks... wishing each and every one another a happy new year... friends all around... spending the night everywhere... each and every single one... counting down to the end of a whole old year for a new one to come...

and none... had invited me anywhere...

my initial thoughts... were... more of... "i didn't care"... more of... "i wouldn't go even if u invited me"... for i thought... she'll definitely be there... with plans... to celebrate for the oncoming year... and now that she isn't... i suddenly feel very desperate for invitations... i suddenly... became very very desperate... for company... to the extent, of initiations... which i rarely do... for... just friends...

i left my nick as it is... as desperate as i wish it to sound... "Someone.. Anyone... Invite me out this coming New Year... I dont wanna spend it alone..." however... to no avail... i asked... and asked... each and every one of them... those that were once close... those, that i've made acquaintances with... and some... that i've never even met... and came to a definite conclusion...

i'll yet be spending the next coming new year alone... again~* emotionally alone...

i tried to console myself again... she can't meet me... but she'd definitely call me... she'll talk to me... she will... she will do all she can to make me feel accompanied again... over the phone, again... over the god damned phone... again... when i so much wanted her to be by my side... its always... and always the phone... that make it up for all the meetings i've wanted so much... i... love her... i love her... so much i've got no idea what i'm doing anymore...

but to really settle out the situation... and really console myself... is by the fact that she wants to meet me too... i cud feel, she indeed wanted my company as much as i wanted hers... and by the fact that she can't... not she don't choose to... i guess... for that... its really what the thoughts that count...

and for that... she'll be spending her time in her fren's place instead of mine....

Crying : The action to weep; shed tears, with or without sound... *www.dictionary.com*

and yes... i admit... i cried...