Holy~* My Lord~*~*

do u guys believe in first sight love? well... some might say its ridiculous... some might say its true that these do exist... as a matter of fact, i do believe in them too...

but... in any case... how's it when love occurs over the net? these all seemed all so crazy... it might be the fact that i'm desperate for company, to get attached... moreover it's someone i've never yet faced before...

my moods... ridiculously are all subjected to her replies now... even in lectures... my mind's distracted by my phone... every 10mins interval, i found myself unconsciously checking my phone for new messages... awaiting her to initiate another conversation... till i cudn't wait any longer, i started the conversation... sending her the first message of the day... somewhat or rather, i don know why... i seemed to think she'd definitely reply... sigh~* i wish she would...

but instantly, i regretted... how could i forget the fact that she had to take hours of concentration to make a reply? she, like me, have school to be going as well~*!! all of a sudden, i felt so upset about my own selfishness... i only cared for my own ego... not even seemed to relate to how i wud distract her lifestyle.... jeez~* how could i... it'll never happen again... i promise... T_T

however... she replied... she said she's on the way home from school... dozens of boulders seem to droop outta my chest... a deep relief... i did no harm, and i know i haven't upset her in any way... jeez... i seriously am taking all precautions to prevent losing the only one company i've had...
i swear, this time, i'll cherish my opportunities... glad, as i am, that i haven't yet stopped striving despite of the hoplessness i've felt everytime i've failed...

the following reply made me felt i was dreaming... jesus~* these... are seriuosly too good to be true... i'm... i'm in love... although as ridiculous as it cud be, it's someone over the net... but i do not care.. these... all that i've wanted... had just been layed nakedly just infront of me... she had held out a hand for me... i can't believe it's now my choice to whether to grab it or not....

the last few weeks... i've always thought of meeting her... asking her out... meeting her... just to know her more...

now, i'm too afraid... frightened by the fact that i might lose her... i'm conscious of the fact that i'm fat, with a crackled pimpled face and a crooked nose, i know that i might jus as well scare any one off my sight... first impressions really count... and if ever that really happens... i rather not meet her... i'm more than satisfied with all these that i have now... any risk of losing them, the slightest chances... i will reach to the other end of the world to prevent them... i seriously do not want to lose this only company i've had... for a couple of years i've been waiting... its not worth the risk to fulfil jus a little more "wants" of desire i have... i'd rather stop here... maintain it this way... frens over the net is all the way more better than no frens at all... even though i know she's now definitely more than a fren to me...

~~~~~~~Epselyn went flat on me~~~~~~~

3 hours later... zZzZzZz...


mannn~* so coincident... the same problem had occured to her too.. she had mentioned that she had feared of things that could have changed if we really do meet...

ahh shit... i'm in a tutorial now... charging Epselyn with a charger i borrowed from my friend.. secretly doing these behind the backs of the lecturer... shoot, cant continue... doing these behind the back of the lecturer, typing as silently as i can... are all harder than i've imagined... zzz... gotta sign off now... *sigh*